Divine intervention permanently cancels book tour
Uncategorized / July 26, 2017

  An answered prayer from God has led me to permanently cancel the divine roosters & angry clowns book tour. The Holy intervention came days after I was attacked at a stoplight by a posse of clowns from CAPT, the organization of jokesters who had launched a libel suit against divine roosters and angry clowns over what it considered to be a slanderous attack on its membership. Even though I managed to avoid the ambush by driving through a red light, the clowns jumped back into their black and white-striped circus car and pursued me onto the freeway where we became engaged in a high speed chase. Fortunately for me, I was able to lose the furious funnymen after they attempted to get around a slow moving semi by driving their toy car underneath it and became stuck. As for me, I kept on driving until I found a motel in an out-of-the-way place where I could wait for the clown uproar to settle down. For several days I sat holed up in my motel room, my only link to the outside world my publicist, Butch Whistles. Unable to venture outside, save for quick trips across the street to the…

Libel suit thrown at divine roosters & angry clowns!
Uncategorized / July 15, 2017

July 15 Associated News…. Clowns Are People Too (CAPT), a national organization of clowning professionals, has filed a defamation lawsuit against the author of divine roosters & angry clowns over what it describes as a slanderous attack on the group’s membership. According to the head of CAPT, Binky the Clown, divine roosters & angry clowns is nothing more than a “literary hate crime.” Binky made his highly charged accusation in a prepared statement given at the National Press Club in Washington DC. “Most people have an almost pathological fear of clowns as being scarier than shit, a misconception that our organization has spent years trying to correct. Now, all our work promoting our members as masters of frivolity has been undercut by some yahoo writer eager to make a buck.” When pressed by reporters to provide specific examples of “hate clown speech” in the book, Binky was vague, saying all he had read was the book’s title. “Look, a number of us tried to read the book but quite frankly, it’s a tough read. Besides, the title says it all. When I first saw it, I felt like I was sucker punched right in my big red bulbous nose.” Binky’s’…

Near overdose plagues book tour
Uncategorized / May 10, 2017

Having been nearly crushed to death by the out-of-control mob at the Southwest Prepare or Die Expo, I had spent the following week trying to recover from my wounds, which included a severe concussion, cracked ribs and numerous facial lacerations. My physical trauma was unfortunately accompanied by troubling psychological side effects. In particular I had developed a case of agoraphobia rooted in a terrified fear of being confronted by groups of strangers eagerly intent on trampling me. As a result, I had sought permanent refuge in my house, where I combatted my anxiety disorder with a heavy amount of anti-anxiety medication. Holed up in my home, I now had ample time to reflect on the unmitigated disaster which had become the divine roosters & angry clowns book tour, a striking failure which had led its way to my now severely debilitated physical and emotional state. While I may have played a small part in some of the missteps in the publicity tour, it was inarguable that the one constant participant in all of its breakdowns had been my publicist, Butch Whistles. As much as I hated to do it, there seemed to be no alternative but to dismiss him. I didn’t want to…

Hospitalization suspends book tour
Uncategorized / April 10, 2017

Despite being derailed by interview cancellations and a brief stint in jail, I was able to get the divine roosters & angry clowns book tour back on track with a recent stop in Prescott, Arizona, at the Southwest Prepare or Die Expo. Initially I had misgivings about attending the survivalist convention, a three-day event that featured vendors, expert presentations and networking for those interested in surviving Doomsday. Specifically, I was uncertain how my humorous novel about a group of quirky strangers surviving a calamitous solar storm would play with people who tended to find nothing funny about apocalyptic events. My concerns however were dismissed by my publicist Butch Whistles who had arranged the promotional appearance. Butch believed talk about my book would serve as a light hearted, off beat counterbalance to the event’s all doom and gloom agenda. Listening to Butch, I had to give him credit. He was definitely thinking outside the marketing box, creativity that seemed to bear fruit almost from the moment I was greeted by Zena Goines, the exposition’s event coordinator. Zena, a perky young woman armed with a bright smile, was clad in a black military-style flight jacket, khaki work pants, and low-cut army tactical boots. In…

Book tour delayed by my arrest
Uncategorized / January 26, 2017

The launch of the divine roosters & angry clowns book tour once again failed to leave the station after I was arrested only days before my scheduled Monday appearance on the Sauger, Tennessee, morning television talk show, Let’s Hook Us Up Some Bluegill. The distressing calamity began Friday afternoon when I received a call from my publicist Butch Whistles who I hadn’t spoken to ever since I called him days earlier to complain about my cancelled interview with Very Uninteresting Newsmakers with Gil Frost. At that time Butch was in the middle of a card game at the Pala Indian casino and needed to cut our conversation short. Despite a promise to call me back as soon as possible, Butch became incommunicado. Now he had resurfaced and was eager to explain his absence. According to Butch, he had been fully intent on contacting me but had become sidetracked when he won a huge pot in a high stakes game of Vegas 3 Rummy. Unaccustomed to such good fortune, Butch celebrated the rare gambling success by getting blind drunk in the casino bar. Butch remembered little of the evening, other than a vague image of the voluptuous woman from the escort service he had hired…